a few hands in i get KQ off in late position.  three limpers, so i make it 10.  folds around to the first limper who calls, the second limper calls and the third folds.  flop comes K-8-2 hearts.  i don’t have a heart, so i’m not thrilled about the flop but i’m still interested in taking it down.  first guy leads with 10, next guy folds.  i have top pair with what i believe to be the best kicker.  i think maybe he has a K10 trying to take a stab or maybe he has a small flush. i’m not confident that this guy would bet a flush draw and betting…just doesn’t seem the type.  i’m thinking of raising here to find out where i am at, but i opt to just call…not the best move because it leaves me a bit blinded on what he has.

turn is a 10 of hearts.  he checks and i quickly bet 30 into the 50 pot.  i made a quick bet with no heart, because if he does have that K10 i put him on i feel i can get him to lay it down with a quick bet into a flush board.  and if he does has that flush then maybe he raises here or even if he calls, he might check the river in hopes i’ll bet into him again.  either way if he raise or calls…i’m not calling or betting again.  risking 30 feels like the right move to take down the pot here and not go into the river.  he lays it down and asks me if i had the A of hearts.  i give him a half smile.

later i get AK of spades again in late position.  a few limpers and i raise it to 13.  the only two callers are the small blind and big blind. there is about 40 in the pot. flop comes K-J-10 rainbow. the small blind checks and the big blind leads out with 27.  now the big blind has played solid for the past hour.  he has showed down every hand he has won and has always showed two pair or better.  on top of that he has folded a lot of hands.  so the fact that he called 10 more means he has a solid hand here.  maybe he has J10 suited or 10′s or KJ…and then there is the AQ.  at this point i feel like i’m just going through all the hands that can beat me in order to convince myself to lay it down.

i don’t want to make this laydown but i certainly don’t think i can call against this player.  i show the player beside me my hand, i just feel like i need someone to commiserate with.  i lay it down and the player beside me just shakes their head.  small blind folds and big blind shows the AQ.  i know its a good laydown…but he could have also showed me a bluff and i would have congratulated him…

i’ve been at the table for about an hour now.  started at 100 up to about 190.  a super aggressive player in early position with about 500 raises to 18, folds around to the guy to my immediate right who moves all in for 34.  at commerce the official rule is if an all-in does not double the initial raise then there can be no more raises. with that in mind, i look down and see 77.  assured i am going to see a flop for only 34,  i call.  folds around to the button who also calls and the initial raiser calls for 16 more.

flop comes KK6.  the aggressive player checks…i find this uncharacteristic since in the past every hand he raised he always made a continuation bet.  i decide to check, the button player is a by the book player.  if they hit, they’ll bet and if not, they’ll check.  button player checks.

the turn is an A.  the aggressive player leads for 30 into a 136 pot.  why such a small bet…at this point i feel comfortable putting them on a draw with a QJ or Q10…that makes sense to me with a check and then small bet.  i don’t put him on a monster like AK…i think he had some legit concerns about the button player calling and checked the flop for information.  i consider raising here, but again i have the button player behind me…makes sense they would have called with an Ace.  so i just call and now my stack is at about 126. button player folds and i feel much more comfortable going into the river heads-up.

river is a 7. with almost 200 in the pot the aggressive player leads out with 120.   this is a better sized bet in proportion to the pot. i take a second to run through the play just one last time and again i just can’t put him on an AK, especially because if he did turn a boat and bet 1/4th of the pot in an attempt to maximize value to get at least one call,  then why wouldn’t he only bet 50 here to either maximize value with a call from me or to try to provoke me to raise.  i call and he immediately says “good call”.  i show my 77.  he rolls his cards in his hands and i see a Q and then what looks to be a 9 or 10, but i couldn’t make it out before mucks.  the kid that was all-in for 34 shows 55.

this put me close to 450. aggressive player is now way under 400.  chip leader at the table is close to 600.  everyone else is around 200.  after that hand the aggressive player started getting called more at the table and dwindled down to about 150 in a half-hour then left.  i played for awhile longer and cashed around the 550 mark…overall a good evening.

the nerd in me knows that altering the course of one past event would change all future events…which means that if i instead chose to get my master’s in computer science 7 years ago…then the past 7 years of my life, all the people i encountered, all the people they encountered, so on and so on would all have uniquely different lives.  in sum, i would not be where i am at this very second.  mind blowing…yeah?

even though i play out the timeline of my past, trying to plug in variables of where i could have taken a different route, i realize each time i would not arrive at the same destination here in the present…which begs the question, is the current present more valuable to me than an alternative present?

to answer that – i’m no optimist nor pessimist…i’d rather consider myself a realist and say that as look back there is nothing that i would change.  instead…embrace all the successes, failures,  joyous moments and heartbreaks as lessons.  and from that amend the past where and when i can, make sound decisions in the present and finally, accept that i know my destination, but i’m just not there yet…